Chicks on Cell Phones...

A recently completed study by club president Tim Campbell confirmed an already widely believed idea - crazy chicks on cell phones are one of the top safety concerns for cyclists in the United States. While one cannot argue the inherent danger of a raging redneck in a large, jacked up Ford F250 with large rust colorations or the unjustified anger of some upper middle class office worker that hates their life, until now crazy chicks on cell phones were not confirmed to be as dangerous. "It was believed that women were able to multitask," Campbell says, "They all say they can talk and drive. As trusting human beings we gave them the benefit of the doubt. Upon completion of this study, though, chicks can no longer be trusted on the road." In his last sampling session, he found that 4 chicks on cell phones showed complete disregard for any sort of traffic regulations. All of these violations being blown stop signs and red lights. All of this occurred in a period of 45 minutes. "Apparently obeying the rules of the roads ourselves isn't enough. We now must not only obey the rules ourselves, try not to piss off any rednecks or office workers so that they don't run us off the road or bust a cap in us, but we must ALSO try to identify crazy chicks on cell phones before they cross our paths accidentally pasting us." Perhaps a fellow rider who will remain unnamed said it best when he said, "Yeah, I wouldn't practice cornering over at St. Marys...too many girls talking on the phones as they speed out of the parking lots. It's like having a death wish. Cyclists will never be safe as long as women have cell phones."

Editors Note: The phrase "crazy chicks" was used to replace the authors original phrasing which was inappropriate for such a reputable publication. Use your imagination as to what derogatory term(s) it might have been....