BREAKING NEWS! Campbell tests positive; Perricone on the run

Chaos.

This was what the hotel room at La Quinta Inn was in a state of disarray this evening. Perricone, upset about only getting third at todays Wisconsin Road Race, was in a state of rage when the Notre Dame Cycling Team rolled into the hotel. The lack of conditioner in the shower sent her over the edge. It is alleged that Perricone trashed the room in her fit of rage. She has been charged by the Hotel Rent-A-Cops with destruction of property. Perricone will be charged as an unruly college aged student, which are tried in a much stricter court (guilty until proven innocent, 5 times the fines, jail showers with soap dispensers on the floor), upon being caught.

When hotel security arrived at the scene, they only found the trashed room that the Irish at rented and Campbell passed out on the floor with a 4 pack of wine coolers near him and a over the counter antidepressant known to contain steroids. Campbell was subject to a post race drug test, where it has just been learned that he tested positive for a banned steroid. Hotel security hypothesize that Campbell, clinically depressed from awful race results, was in a desperate state of mind and purchased over the counter antidepressants to help cope with his terribleness. It is unlikely that he was using it for performance enhancement - he just sucked too much. Upon knowing that he failed the post competition drug test, he purchased BJ Fuzzy Navel wine coolers and drank himself into a stooper. He passed out while Perricone was trashing the room, and is still laying on the floor with drool coming out of his mouth. Perricone then took the keys from Campbell's passed out body, and took off in the HOLTAWAG (HOnda Light TActial WAGon). Hotel Security wouldn't be surprised if she was currently at a music store buying death metal CD's and loading up on red bull to fuel her night of debauchery

Hotel Security is offering a reward of a one night's free stay in the romance suite and private use of the pool/hot tub area between the hours of 10 and 11 for any information leading to Perricones apprehension. If no information is provided within the next 1o minutes, hotel maids will start cleaning the room and forget that the incident ever happened.

Jenn Perricone Takes Names; Tim Campbell Needs a Name Tag

Treasurer and el presidente elect Jenn Perricone has been owning the collegiate race scene, complete with a 3rd place finish today at the Wisconsin Road Race. This is what she had to say about the RR:

"I should've won. After pulling more than half the race and chasing down all the attacks, I got some bad positioning for the sprint and couldn't take care of business. I am enraged."

Tim got dropped...again. After 55 miles of pain, Tim popped off the back of the race.

"Well, if it makes me feel any better 40ish people popped off the back before me, but I still popped. Its lame, I need to get better...and some results, its kind of depressing getting dropped all the time."

Tim, Jenn, and Nate, the D All-Star that rolls with the club will be racing tomorrow at the Trek Store Crit in downtown Maddtown. MJ^2 will also being rolling. Updates tomorrow.

le Tour de Notre Dame du Lac

Cyclers, check out mwccc.org/sp09 to take a gander at the flyers for our road races...these will quite simply be the best races...ever

a better update will be coming soon, i swear

Campbell to attempt hour calorie record!!

Notre Dame cyclist Tim Campbell is planning an attempt at the hour calorie record for the Precor exercise bikes at Rolfs Fitness Center at the University of Notre Dame. "Just like how some tracks are faster than others, some bikes burn more calories than others...the Precor's at ND just seem to do the trick," Campbell said. Campbell is the current record holder at 2,136 calories and has held the record for 3 years now. "I remember my freshman year when I had a run of attempts at it. I broke 2,000 once on my own, but just barely. It was like 2010 or something like that. The record at the time was 2055. Either SR3K or R2G (SuperRaver 3000 and Rave to the Grave) had the record. We then all had a go at it, Maddog, Mike, and myself had a go. We all broke 2,000 calories, but I somehow rocked the 2,136. It was unreal." Campbell says that his new found zest for the record comes on the verge of him stepping on the scale to check his weight. "Yeah, I knew I was fat, thats not new. I'm just too fat right now." He hopes to generate some interest amongst the team in some record attempts so that he may be surrounded by like minded individuals. He has also started force feeding himself butter on rides so that he may replenish calories quick enough to keep them burning...stay tuned for the attempts on the record!

Jersey Orders - Game Over

Hey everyone, we just put in the order to VOmax so if you're one of the unlucky souls to stumble across this without getting your order in, its a hair too late. On the bright side, if you email me - tcampbe3@nd.edu - we can put you on a list for next year, or send out an email filling you in on what we have left over...

spanks

Jerseys

Dear Everyone That Reads This (all 5 people)-

We are ordering jerseys right now. Contact tcampbe3@nd.edu or mjohns19@nd.edu for more information. They are the sweet design that is on the homepage. Orders due by 10/15/08...

Sincerely

Me

BREAKING NEWS!

Andy Steves (seen left in photo where he was mistaken as the Unabomber) will make his glorious return to cycling on Sunday, August 24th at the Indiana State Criterium Championships at Rum Village in South Bend, IN. After taking a year off to pursue glorified male cheerleading in skirts and then a foray overseas to see how they really ride bikes, Steves has decided now is the best time for his return to the Kestrel.

The most winningest cyclist in Notre Dame histroy had this to say, "I'm pumped, man. As always, I plan on just chillin in the pack and unloading my sprint at the end. I've drank my Guinnii and my ass is still huge, so I don't have any reason to believe why I can't sprint my way to the top." Steves will compete in the Category 4 race.

Former team president Tim Campbell was very excited to hear the news. "I got the text from him earlier today proclaiming the good news. I skipped through the house with joy! I've missed Steves on the team. The race weekends aren't the same without him in my bed. I remember the first time he slapped my chest in his sleep at Purdue oh so long ago...."

The rest of the team was unavailable for comment, but the cycling world should watch out as Steves and his "Big Black" are ready to dominate anyone willing to toe the line.

We came, we saw, we failed...well, except for Jenn

This is a little late, but collegiate nationals in Ft. Collins, CO has come and gone. The road race was extremely difficult and Tim and Jenn didnt do so hot. We wont go into details, but Tim lead to groupetto home while Jenn wasn't pulled and placed before the finish line without even knowing it. Mike was doing well in the lead group of about 20, but due to some sub par bike handling of some other racers, he ended up crashing on a monster descent. Some serious road rash, like, oozing puss grossness terrible. Needless to say, he was unable to finish.

Both Mike and Tim crashed in the crit. Tim was bridging up to what was going to be the winning break but railed a corner too hard and ended up bunny hoppy the curb, and then a pile of bikes, and then hitting the deck. He got back in the race, but was essentially out of it the entire time. He yo yoed off the back until 2 laps to go, when he got a flat. What a great weekend for the DJ. Mike made it to the last corner just fine, but then some moron ran into him and tangled their handlebars. Mike went over the bars and had to walk his bike to the finish line. I think Mike said he was done bike racing. Jenn managed a good race, though, and against some of the nations best she did some bumping and grinding to work a 10th place finish. Yay Jenn.

All in all nationals saw some bad luck, but, you win some you lose some. Heres to some summer racing and for Mike and I and a few others, some triathlons. Go us.

ND Cycling goes Micron Filtered

Notre Dame cycling has also picked up a special sponsor for micron filtered water. Creator Dan Arlandson was kind enough to hook ND up with his latest in water purification technology. This should put ND cycling way ahead of the competition not only in terms of hydration, but also keeping food down on the bike. From all of us here at ND cycling, thanks!!!



Micron Filtered - see also, Mike-Ron filtered

Adam Bee shows D is for Domination

Racing resumed this past weekend for our favorite spandex clad warriors at MichiganState and Michigan with racers in every category but Men’s B. The Irish were blessed with sunny and not cold weather for the Saturday road race. The road race consisted of a 4.7 loop with a 1.25 mile section of dirt road. The day started with men’s C and women’s B races of 30 and 22 miles respectively. The C men had an all star line up looking to win the race with the B women looking to gain more experience. With numerous break away attempts from rookie Kirk Post the pace of the race was high. The whole pack worked against Kirk, though, and always kept him on a short leash. The rest of the Irish benefited, though, with Nate Farley netting 5^thth. Kirk came in just behind in 12^th place. Laura Simons and Caitlin Sullivan competed in the B’s race and finished 18^th and 22^nd while putting in a very solid effort. Veterans Jenn Perricone and Meghan Johnson flew the argyle in the women’s A 45 mile race . The soft and difficult dirt section took its toll on the field, Jenn and Meghan included. Riders that had been training on the dirt for the past three weeks took the victory in the field, but Jenn and Meghan were resilient and powered through the race. Jenn came in 10^th behind an old and experienced field with Meghan taking 13^th. The A men consisted of 35 riders which included Tim Campbell and Mike Lavery. The 55 mile race started off pretty tame, but the attacks started the 3^rd lap of the race. Campbell and Lavery bided their time in the peleton, though, and waited patiently for the larger teams to pull back the breaks. Halfway into the race, Campbell As the move was reeled in, Lavery, who is rarely on the offensive, counter attacked on the dirt section. The move looked promising, but misfortune hit and as the gap grew Lavery popped a flat. This left Tim to fend for himself the remainder of the race. Tim hung out in the peleton for the remainder of the race and joined a move at the end, but that move, too, was reeled in and Campbell finished slightly behind the twindled main field at 13^th. The D men, who started right after the A men, had a short 20 mile race. The entire field was on the attack, but it was John McDunough and Adam Bee that joined another rider the make the 3 man break of the day. Their gap was nearly a minute at one point. John drilled the pace hard and consequently dropped back from the group to rejoin the pack, finishing 13^th. Bee went on to win the two up sprint for first, giving the Irish their first win of the season. John Dailey and Mike O’Connor also finished with the pack, not being placed. place and Josh Johnson 8 was able to join a promising move and was away a short time.

Sunday’s races started with a twilight D men’s criterium on the University of Michigan The course was nearly two miles with a long, steep hill being the highlight of the course. The D men had a short, but furious 20 minute race. All four of the Irish riders drilled the pace on the course and cause mass suffering in the peleton. McDunough went off the front in attempt for victory, but it was reeled back in. This set up Bee once again, except this time with Bee winning the group sprint after a perfectly executed lead out from Dailey. Dailey took 4^th The women’s B race took off immediately after and was another good experience builder for Sullivan and Simons, with both finishing slightly behind the pack. The men’s C field had a 30 minute race that stayed together the entire race. Post was on the front nearly the entire race sacrificing himself for his teammates. When the sprint came, Farley sprinted to 7^th with Post stealing 8^th place with a well timed bike stab. Josh Johnson was stuck behind a giant C men spill on the steep hill, which took out nearly a 1/3 of the field, to come in behind the pack. The A men and women had only one started in their races, with Meghan Johnson and Tim Campbell taking part in 45 and 60 minute crits. Meghan joined a chase pack and sprinted out of the chase. She won the sprint with a great bike stab, earning 13^th. Campbell was aggressive throughout the race joining breaks, none of which stuck. At 50 minutes Campbell joined a last effort break to win the race, but that was reeled in with a lap to go and he was consequently spit out the back of the dwindled back. He kept the pace high, though, and placed 17^th out of 40 racers. campus. with O’Connor coming in slightly behind out of placing.

There was also a short prologue-esque time trial 4 miles. Jenn Perricone and Mike Lavery rested their legs by not racing the morning race and it paid dividends for both. Both came across at provisional first place times for all men and women, covering the course at 11 minutes 20 seconds and 9:10, respectively. The rest of the Irish team tackled the course. Other notable finishes are Campbell at 9:45, Farley at 10:10, and Post at 10:12. Racing resumes next weekend at Purdue and Marian in Indianapolis.

Chicks on Cell Phones...

A recently completed study by club president Tim Campbell confirmed an already widely believed idea - crazy chicks on cell phones are one of the top safety concerns for cyclists in the United States. While one cannot argue the inherent danger of a raging redneck in a large, jacked up Ford F250 with large rust colorations or the unjustified anger of some upper middle class office worker that hates their life, until now crazy chicks on cell phones were not confirmed to be as dangerous. "It was believed that women were able to multitask," Campbell says, "They all say they can talk and drive. As trusting human beings we gave them the benefit of the doubt. Upon completion of this study, though, chicks can no longer be trusted on the road." In his last sampling session, he found that 4 chicks on cell phones showed complete disregard for any sort of traffic regulations. All of these violations being blown stop signs and red lights. All of this occurred in a period of 45 minutes. "Apparently obeying the rules of the roads ourselves isn't enough. We now must not only obey the rules ourselves, try not to piss off any rednecks or office workers so that they don't run us off the road or bust a cap in us, but we must ALSO try to identify crazy chicks on cell phones before they cross our paths accidentally pasting us." Perhaps a fellow rider who will remain unnamed said it best when he said, "Yeah, I wouldn't practice cornering over at St. Marys...too many girls talking on the phones as they speed out of the parking lots. It's like having a death wish. Cyclists will never be safe as long as women have cell phones."

Editors Note: The phrase "crazy chicks" was used to replace the authors original phrasing which was inappropriate for such a reputable publication. Use your imagination as to what derogatory term(s) it might have been....

Awareness Test

http://www.dothetest.co.uk/

its a sweet vid, check it out....even though its made by a bunch of brits

Race Notes (Rated G)

Twelve members of the cycling team traveled to Columbus, OH this weekend for a
race weekend at Ohio State University. There was supposed to be a criterium on
OSU’s campus on Saturday, but a salt deficiency and snowstorm led to its
cancellation. The team ended up leaving for Columbus on Saturday afternoon for
the road race the following day. Poor weather and sub-25 degree conditions,
made for a brutal day of racing. The first races of the day were men’s C’s,
women’s A’s, and women’s B’s, which were 22, 27, and 22 miles, respectively.
Mike Taylor and Nate Farley represented the Irish in the men’s C race in their
first appearance in collegiate cycling. The pack stayed together for the
duration of the race, which came down to a field sprint. Mike finished an
outstanding 6th in his first race, and Nate finished with the pack, another
admirable first performance.
The women’s team has doubled in size since last year, and returnees Meghan
Johnson and Jenn Perricone lined up with the elite A’s field. The women’s A
field set a blistering pace, dropping people off the back leaving Meghan in the
first chase pack. Jenn stayed with the pack but eventually dropped off with two
other girls. Jenn did not contest the sprint and placed 7th. Meghan
outsprinted the rest of the chase pack to come in slightly behind Jenn in 10th
place. The women’s B race saw the debut of freshmen Caitlin Sullivan and Laura
Simons. There was an extensive crash in the second lap of the women’s B race.
After almost avoiding it, Laura was taken out by the girl in front of her.
Fortunately neither her body nor her bike was seriously damaged, and Laura
finished with a chase group coming in 15th. Unaccustomed to the mid-western
hills, Caitlin was unable to keep the pace on the steep climbs and dropped back
with a chase pack to finish 20th. Both ladies made an excellent showing in
their first races.
The men’s D, B, and A races all started around the same time and were 22, 27,
and 39 miles, respectively. We had John Dailey and John McDonough representing
ND in the D’s race, making their race premier. John Dailey rode a strong 22
miles and sprinted to the line finishing 7th. He is expected to upgrade to C’s
sometime soon. John McDonough finished with a chase group after dropping off
the intense pace of the pack. Our only men’s B rider today was Ty Baker who
chased down breaks and stayed with the screaming pace of the pack to finish in
an impressive 12th place. Matt Prygoski, Tim Campbell, and Neil Griggs rode
for the Irish in the men’s elite A race. In an all-or-nothing breakaway
attempt, Tim and an Indiana cyclist rode off the front for the first 16 miles,
at one point having up to a 45-second gap. Sensing impending doom with the
peloton breathing down their neck, Tim sat up and rejoined the pack, while the
IU rider continued in what turned out to be the winning move. During Tim’s
breakaway, Neil popped a flat, and the pack got away while he was waiting for
the wheel truck. He continued on to get some mileage in, but was unable to
finish with the pack. Matt spent the race trying to get in a successful
breakaway, but IU chased down every move. He had a good position going into the
final lap, but unfortunately flatted and finished with a chase pack.
Several team members will be traveling to DePauw next weekend, but since it is
spring break, the rest of the Irish hope to come back in better shape in a
month for their next race at Michigan State and the University of Michigan.

Epic winter training ride

Tim summits Mt. South Bend

Siiiiick!

















Sporting our awesome new team gear

Floyd's Secret Identity?

Floyd Landis

Kid Rock

You make the call

Where's Andy Steves?

Andy Steves, the most winningest cyclist in Notre Dame history has been notably absent from the team. The rising star's hiatus from cycling has not been well explained by even him. Various reasons, from travel to skirt chasing, have been given for his lack of riding this year and his decision not to participate in the up and coming race season. His next moves were unpredictable, even by his closest teammates. "I thought I knew him well," teammate Tim Campbell said, who was his bedmate on race weekends. "I thought we shared a special bond, I mean, we shared a bed on almost every race weekend for two years. The fact that he held this out from me, well, it really hurts our relationship. It hurts. I never saw it coming."


That thing the Irish never saw coming was Steves new foray in the male cheerleading and a short stint as a model. The above picture is Andy as a skirted male cheerleader for the Notre Dame Marching Band, the oldest university band in existence. In traditional bands, scantily clad women (that often times are kinda overweight/not attractive...they were too big/not attractive to be cheerleaders) that twirl flags accompany the band. For Notre Dame, tall skirted men march around the band. While considered somewhat of an honor to be a part of the so called Irish Guard, it still is a group of male cheerleaders that wear skirts.



He also made an appearance on the cover of "EuroCyclist" magazine. Steves was able to make a short comment on his foray into modeling: "You know, I always thought that I was sexy and I always bought into the EuroCyclist mentality. I always had a doubleshot before the race. I always looked good. I had a ridiculously good bike. I talked to soooooo many women after races in hopes of meeting up with all of them at some point in time so they could take care of my massage needs. I was Euro, and the magazine was a good fit. I'd do it again in a heartbeat - its way more Euro to act like you are a hardcore good Euro cyclist when you really aren't than it is to be an actual cyclist that is Euro. Its an attitude, and to be completely Euro, you need to be 100% focused."

While the team wishes Steves the best in his modeling and cheerleading and will miss the guy not only for his pure sprinter mentality, but also for the antics that will be absent from race weekends. On behalf of the team, good luck, and come on, modeling and cheerleading? Couldn't you at least be doing something manly?

Ironman 70.3 World Championships.....

I got back from Clearwater Beach Florida this afternoon, from the IM 70.3 World Championships. Just thought I would post a few pictures and give my story of how it all went down. ( sorry for the black spot on all the pictures, my shutter is broken)

My goals for the day were to go as fast as I could, and hopefully that would place me well in my age group. I was shooting for 4:10, which seemed doable, since the bike course was super flat.

1.2 mile swim: The swim was my first open water swim in salt water. I was in the last swim wave of the day, which I wasnt pleased about. The swim start was rough as we all ran in from the beach, but I found a good draft, and made it out to the turn bouys in no time. I lost my draft around the turn bouy in the chaos and conjestion, which killed my momentum. The way back in to shore was directly into the rising sun, making it hard to navigate, and I felt like I wasnt making any progress towards shore. I eventually hit the beach in 29 min, not my best swim, not my worst. I didnt think twice about it, and just booked it into T1.

56 mile bike: This bike course was ridiculous. Sooo fast. The lack of hills also meant that there were huge packs of people drafting/blantantly cheating. It was frustrating to watch, and I did not see one draft marshal handing out penalties. Anyways, my legs felt awesome, and I pushed it harder with every mile. I was flying, only one guy passed me. I hit the 40 mile mark in 1:29, and finished the bike course in 2:11, for a 25.6 mph average! I feel like I could have ridden 3-4 minutes faster, but at times when the course narrowed down to one lane, I would get stuck behind these massive packs that took up the whole course. It was still a blast to go so fast.

13.1 mile run: I made it through T2, and my stomach immediately felt odd when I started running. It wasnt pain, just a mild discomfort that I hoped would pass. My plan as always was to take it out at a comfortable pace for the first lap, and then push it the second lap. The first mile came in 5:54! The second mile (which had a pretty steep/long causway hill) was 6:10, the third mile was 6:40 (which included a pee stop) .... my legs felt great. I was hoping to run a 1:20, and I was on my way....

The fourth mile, I puked. I think I swallowed a lot of salt water in the swim. I tried so hard not to, but sometimes you get water in your mouth during the chaos, and its just a natural reaction that happens before you can do otherwise. Miles 5-8 were 6:40-7:30 survival pace. I downed a caffinated Gu at mile 7 in hopes of picking up the pace, but instead I puked again at mile 8. I started running again, ditched all my remaining Gu's, and surprisingly, I felt a lot better. I managed to start running 6:30's again. At mile 11, some fast guys caught me, and I latched on, and ran 6:11 and 6:05 final miles. My run split was 1:27 - This year I have been good for 1:23's on hilly courses, so this was a bit disappointing for a pretty flat course, but it wasnt due to lack of fitness.

Overall I finished in 4:14 (still a big PR for me). I was 17th of 47 in my age group, and 110th overall of 1433 competitors. It was a bitter sweet day. I dont want to blindly accuse others of cheating, but when there are a whole slew of guys in my age group that exit the bike together, with really fast times, that are almost exactly the same, and only minutes slower than those off the top pros, it makes me suspicious. Not that I am saying I could have won the age group, I just dont think this is the type of course to separate the best from the rest. I rode a clean race, I'm proud of my bike time, and overall, it was a fun weekend in the sun.

Time for the offseason!

~Mike

In Andy Steves iPod prerace...

"Dudes, can we get some music going? Ya know, like some Savage Garden. Savage Garden gets me so pumped up..."

-Andy

Campbell Tests Draft & Smell Buster Bibs

Tim Campbell, president of Notre Dame Cycling, was issued a prototype set of bib shorts to test out over the next few weeks. The bibs, appropriately called the Draft and Smell Buster Bibs, consisted of very thin spandex in the rear panel of the bibs. This made the rear panel see through. The thin mesh also allowed for any sort of smells and emissions, oh so very common among cyclists when the pace gets high and control of certain body functions begin to cease, to vent out the rear.
Campbell was very pleased with the shorts. "I never had anyone sit on my wheel for any of the stop ahead sprints. No one was getting a free ride. Best of all, when I came back to the room to change, I noticed my bibs weren't smelling up my entire dorm room as usual. I picked up the bibs to investigate and as normal there was a brown streak, but no smell! Amazing!"
Ty Baker had only one word for the shorts, "Hideous."
The women on the team were oddly intrigued, but concluded that the smell and that fact that they were oddly intrigued meant the shorts were not a good thing. "I mean, its gross, but I just couldn't stop looking. It was kind of like a car wreck..." newcomer Meg Martin said.
The overall opinion for the Draft & Smell Buster Bibs on the team was a negative one. Perhaps Web Dude Mike Lavery said it best when saying "No one on the team wants to see, or smell, that."

Well, everyone except for Matt Prygoski - he likes dudes.

Washington, Washington.....

A photo of Mt. washington, NH, home of the infamous Mt Washington Hill climb, as seen by Mike Lavery on a long ride at home this week. Lavery was planning on doing a few hill reps up Washington, but then decided on an alternate route...